a.t.t.i.t.u.d

D!D!D! WAS SO GOOD I SANG INTO THE MIC AGAIN SO THIS IS THE SECOND TIME FROM LAST TIME HAHA

My week

Yay Jo's coming over tonight and we are going to have a cupcake party! And fail at playing guitar but win at playing Hallelujah on piano! I also put the coke in my fridge because i'm sneaky ;]

Then tomorrow I don't know what I'm doing, maybe go visit Dad for christmas celebratoryness, even though he hasnt got me anything, he might take me out for luch or something i hope lol

Then work on Tuesday and Wednesday and on Wednesday night it's Die!Die!Die! gig at the Bedford!
I'm so excited, and Eva is bringing a bottle of wine for after haha

Then Thursday is New Years Eve! I'm going with my beautiful Lauren to some random party in rolleston because she invited me and it will be fun! Better than everything else everyone seems to be doing like going to fireworks in town or something? hehe

wheeeee

fuck yea hi christmas

hi everyone lol its like 20 to two in the a.m and i just got home from christmas! it was so fun and we all had one too many if you know what i mean, sofie called me today which was lovely! we saw the liethfield family also, and dinner was yumm, tomorrow morning we are going back out to swannanoa like always for boxing day brekkky! hell to the yea~!
i hope lulu has fun in tahiti and kaneybop in australia
sorry i cant be bothered putting capitals
goodnight

ps i love everyone including lauren, jo, eve, emma, karyn, britt, kane, dympna, mama, henry, liv j, lulu, eva, armenia.
you are all sexy mother fuckers and dont you forget it

hi

Yay Christmas!
Hehe I already had my presents! Paramore ticket and my new lens!!
But mama spoiled me anyway!
I got a camera bag! *yayayayy!*
and other wee trinkets in my stocking!

I got mama a new dressing gown,Seabiscuit the movie and a diary and the Westlife cd!!
We got Austen a joint present of a Soda Stream!
I got Johnny a Pink Floyd poster and a HUGE big thing of chocolates!
For Henry I got some random books he said he wanted haha
wheeee
Merry Christmas everyone!

wooot

Whaaa I'm so tired I worked almost 11 hours today! MY LEGS ARE SO SORE! but YAY CHRISTMAS!!!!

-is grown up-

this morning i had breakfast in my room and did my own dishes! is anyone else really happy about this?!
haha
i love my new roooom!

DECIDEDNESSSSS

Whaaaa i dont know whether i want to go to queenstown with dad and his Woman for xmas or stay here with mum and family! well i want to stay here but now sofie seems to know that i might be coming and i didnt want her to know so i wouldnt let her down if i dont go!
WHAAAA
on the bright side ive moved into the sleepout!
ITS LIKE LIVING IN A FLAT!
i have a fridge and jug and bathroom and my drums and keyboard and a lazyboy chair thing! FUCK YESSS LETS GET FUCKEDDDDDDD

Adventures

Yay last night was fun me and Kane watched the Hannah Montana movie twice and stayed up till 2am talking about nothing! For like an hour we talked about Desperate Housewives and how sexy Eva Longoria is, and about some lady who gave birth to 7 kids at once and she already had 4. She went crazy.
We bitched for ages about people who have changed and who we worry about because theyre being all weird and shit.
I'm tired because after all the talking I had to get up early to get ready for work and Kane had to go to Christmas.
We talked to Dympna on msn and it was good, ;]

I'm down to the last notch on my belt. I feel all slim. This makes me happy.

I'm not looking foward to the funeral. This does not make me happy.

lola ponies

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY HAPPINESS KANEYSHOT IS COMING OVERR

hi

i feel abit shit
about just about everything hehe
but i like watching glee :]

needs

this this this world is a game no one wants to play
maymaymaybe i'll go home
and say

hi britt i love you so much i hope you dont think im fake

last night i found out someone i know died yesterday. the thing is that while i was being told about it glee was on c4 in the background and the song they were singing was 'just keep holding on'.
if that's not a sign about shit things in the world i dont know what is.

worn down

all the poems melted.

Hey yal

I started work! Had my second day today :]
It's quite fun! Though busy and stressful at times!
I'l be working soo much before Christmas and will be so tired!
Oh well I can just sleep through all the boring family lunches and dinners :L
That reminds me I have to finish my Christmas shopping for the famdamily!

+ I love this photo!

is this not the cutest thing

we are in the sounday brochure!

Where does the good go

if i could find out how to make you listen now because i'm starving for you here with my undying love

DAAADDDDDDDDDDDDD
you make me saddddddd

escapeth

In fact I'm going to go watch the Miley Cyrus movie, she's so happy

well at least il get to learn how to sew?...

Josh just txt me saying me and Jack are on the brochure for Sounday 2010!
I have a feeling it's the photo with Britt in it as well, yussssssssss
yay ;]
but im still depressed about music haha

Shit

I've such a bad day,
Mrs Willetts phoned and I can't do Music next year.
I havn't cried so much in ages, lol how pathetic
But I really really really want to do it, I've never had such an amazing class as ours and now I can't even be in it.

Something Important

Dadda actually made me cry today on the phone, it was so embarrasing, haha.
He said he wasn't coming to prizegiving, and it's the first time out of my whole time at Villa (four years!) that I've ever gotten an award, so I'm counting on him being there especially seeing he's been away for 2 months.
Gah
Turns out he's in Queenstown with his Woman.
(Don't like her much)
But anyway a few minutes after that conversation he rang me back and said he would fly up tomorrow,
and I think it's the most selfless thing he's ever done for me,

lola

hahahahahahaha have a laugh

This leans on me like a rootless tree

we go blind when we need to see

Hello.

Well, Happy birthday, Johnny.
I guess I can't give you your present anymore if you wont come home,!

+ Just now I was cleaning out my drawers and found my old tie dye skirt which has pink on it from when mum crossed the colours and also ruined jacks shirt lol but the point is that I thought it was too short but then I ironed it and it's not anymore! *yay for innovation!*

I can't wear it for long though because I'm leaving in half and hour to go to an event with Monty!
I think we're jumping 60cm.? something around that lol

But I'm excited, and I'm doing one out at Amberely tomorrow as well!

きょう！

Look what dad got me from 'Nam!!!
It's a wallet, like a card holder thing, ahhh I love it!
And I bought a new lens today! Because the one I got with my camera is to big, :]]
I used my bargaining skills to get the price down from $195 to $100! yay me,!
Yusss

Tomorrow can wait for some other day to be

Well shit!, I had a nice happy blog on the go when mama comes in in tears. She tells me I probably wont be seeing Johnny any time soon. He hasn't been home for five days, and sometime during the night he took all the things he could find to sell from his sleepout and sold them at cash converters. Mum called the shop haha.
I really do believe he is the source of a lot of my family's problemos.

But on the bright side, I saw Daniel today, he's changed, but it's nice change!
Yea, Eve leaves on Tuesday for two months to Bahrain, she promises to get me a pet rock. :]

So it sucks about my brother huh. I'm not as happy as I was ten minutes ago,I really did have a pretty good day! I saw lots of people!

I want the Glee album for Christmas. I also like Rhianna's new song lmao

Keep Moving Foward

we want the ones that we will grow to hate

Do/

not

Hey looks like a 10 year old Ali!!!

Wheeee

There's an indie mum at my little brothers school! So cute haha

P.s

I also LOVE Armenia, she makes my life complete!

Hi everyone,

I love you all!
But epsecially Lauren and Jo and Kaneyshot and Brittany and Eve/Addison (because they are conjoined, I havn't seen Eve by herself in the last like 6months or however long it is! p.s but that's cool because they're both awesome lol) and Sophie-Malofi, and most definately my Mama has to be in this list!!!

BUT NOT LAUREN LOL

A somewhat average year, this will probably be a long blog

I love how much things are different since my first blog post, which by the way is not my first post ever, because a lot of them I deleted back then!
But the first one that is there now, it describes perfectly how I was feeling at the time, and I wont delete it, it reminds me of how much I've changed!
I'm so glad all that's over now.
It's rather a shame it took me a whole year though right?
This year has gone so quick for me, but not because 'time flies when you're having fun'. No way.
I feel like I've been somewhat dead this year, but my outward happiness towards friends and family i guess proves that if you pretend you're over something, you eventually do get over it.

I cried far to much this year over people who wouldn't cry over me,
I realised it's easier to live without my father. I know he loves me, he loves me a lot. I also know that you can't love others when you don't love yourself.
I definately learned that for myself this year, and I pushed a lot of people away in the process.
I realised recently that families fuck up. I thought I'd be fine without dad because I had mum and my brothers and my stepdad. It turns out I might not have them all together for very long either.

But I'm thinking the biggest thing I learned was to never load your whole dependence onto one person, even if you think they're your best friend, and EVEN if they load you with more responsibility than you could ever imagine. That person will leave. And they sure as hell don't look the fuck back.

Anyway, back to my shit year.
Looking back, it really was pretty bad, but at least my friends and family are here for me even without knowing what my stupid problems are!

Prevailed ness

It's really exciting because I got a Meg & Dia album today and Kane was all like "Why would you buy it when you have all the songs anyway"
Well turns out all the songs on the album are different versions of the ones I had already!
It really did make me as happy as I sound!

get some sleep

I'm so tired that I had to take the power cord out of my laptop becuase the brightness hurts my eyes, !

mistaken

down at the cafe on a wet day
there used to be someone, just one

wooot

Oh wait I forgot about New Moon tomorrow! Yay!

Hey

Give me something to do, studying is boring and everyone being boring and studying and Kane is still at schoooool!
BORED

Not without reason,

Tomorrow I will most probably mope around and be sad that I have my English exam on Tuesday.
Let's hope motivation happens

I wake up exhausted

I also <3 cheesey bread

Watch!

Yay I learnt this song!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7MXAIVjwcY
Shes cuteee

STRESSSSSS

swearing and bad words.
why can't everything be nice and floral flavoured

THIS TIME ITS NOT ME SO I CANT FIX IT

stop fighting stop fighting please dont make us leave

Mr McCabe- "Call me MC - MC Cabe. It's my rap name!" aww

lonely world

its not a good day when your only real parent who is meant to be strong and together, tells you that her life is over. my family is being torn apart, as cheesey as that sounds, it seems to be true and it sucks

Mlia

pretty much

Shittttttt

The worst thing and the very best thing are the same fucking thing!
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
p.s its probably more good than bad because now i can realise how bad it was when all i could see in you was the good? i hope someone can understand that other than myself!

19 credits at Excellence biatch!

I'm getting a prize at prizegiving for Japanese!

Smooth Ali, smooth

I blatently got the Mojo music magazines out from the library only for the free cd's

DYLAN FROM CASHMERE HIGH CAN GO DIE

Thank god the police came

Cold water

EVE IS LEAVING FOR TWO MONTHS.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN TWO MONTHS.
THAT EQUALS A LOT OF MONTHS.
BAHRAIN IS MEAN.

WOOT

I want long hair again! But I will get it cut properly so it grows nicely instead of awful like it is now!!!!

You wouldn't even believe it

Today I think that my scales are wrong, because they suggest that I have lost 5 kg in the last month!
It can't be right!

Hurrah!

Suddenly I have 32 followers?! Awesome!

Refer to the tag

I think I'm going to get my hair cut, like professionally!
I havn't had one in almost two years!
+ I'm pretty sure my iPod has stopped scrobbling D;

This is Halloween

And I painted deck chairs

Corn chips are my friend

I may or may or may not be the walrus

Mckey won America's Next Top Model
I didn't actually like her or Sam much anyway
But Sam is pretty

decide

-I want to learn the piano part of Adelleda by Alexisonfire
-Somehow most titles of my blogs generally become the tags
-My legs are still sore
-I'm glad I get to stay at Laurens this weekend because I have had no life in the past ages
-I want it to be the new month so I can see if Kane has his little brother yet
-And did I mention my legs are in a huge amount pain?!

im not alone, im just lonely

funny

things we do to keep ourselves alive

I havn't been thinking of you because i don't want to know whether you're okay or whether you're not. Either way makes me feel like shit
Where are you and what the fuck happened and why are you saying you're alone when all I ever wanted was to be there for you and why do I still even care why am I just fucking useless.
You have fucking ruined me and somehow I would still drop anything for you.
I hate myself for something you've done.

So yay!

And on a happier note I can now play Comin' Home and Day Old Hate by Dallas Green on guitar!
And Wonderwall by Oasis! Thanks to Lauren!!!

Today, was a day

My knees are covered in blood (but apparently its clean now??) because I fell the fuck over chasing my dumb horse!
He broke away from the fence and started running towards the gate, and the road!
So we had a wee running race!
Now, I don't claim to have ever been much of an athlete, so it's not surprising that I tripped over my own feet!
Monty seemed to be amused and started going back to the paddock thank god haha

My brother gave me some codeine, so I guess life could be worse!

Somehow, I don't think I'll be going to the Halloween gig!!

yay!

There will be a little mini-Kane running around very soon!
CUTE!

suck my fucking dick im a fucking shark

I guess I've been forgetting to take the happy pills or something

but

hi

But why the fuck am i awake at 8.30am?

Heres photos from The Acoustic Churches Tour taken with mums camera because i havn't figured out how to disable the falsh on my new one! Lydia Cole (yayaya!) Nathan King from Zed, Boh Runga and Greg Johnson.





















































Lydia is my faveeeee

bear

HEY GIRL, I LOVE YA

>:B

Will someone please feed my fish?! They live at the bottom of my blog!

straw

yes i know there is a problem beginning, but no i dont want to be the bigger person,
ive been that long enough.
big, that is.

anyway, dad's away for two months in foreign asian countries.
hopefully he sorts his shit out, and buys me big bang merchandise.
or just a huge picture with dae sung's face :D
although he did just give me his old camera, which is quite pleasant. :]

This is everything

You run from the river when it long ran over you

today was a bad day

fuck it

I still love this

Thanks, Lauren :]

Fail?

I tried to set my mama and stepdad up on a dinner date tonight, and they've ended up fighting

you did this

it was always for you, everything. the best friend i ever had,
and i still hope you're happy, and i still want to fix it when you aren't.
i suppose we all changed fine i'm over it

maybe next time will be the 'right' time

Hey Dallas, we havn't talked in a while.

So this is continuous happiness.
You know, I always imagined it something more.

a world made of angry people

So I'm really liking Colbie Caillat, easy listening is goood

it this is

Only the bravest go back to places in which they were happy

hey

Dirty Dancing is on Prime!
Just in case anyone was interested.
Tomorow's Mercy Day at school so all the special needs kids come and it's so cute! Yay
Annnnd I'm learning Happiness By The Kilowatt by Dallas Green on piano so all is well.

Salutations, Good Maiden

Hey Bebo: everyone hates you now, you're ugly.
Hey Facebook: you're the shiny new toy.

i cant think of titles

Well I downloaded a new Big Bang album today and it's mostly in Japanese instead of Korean! Yay
I think they should sell Big Bang cds here, that would be a bit cool

ima ga dai kirai

I have eaten the exact same things at the same times other the last two days D:
Apart from the deep fried mars bar on friday which was completely gross and I gave it to Kane.
My wee Kaneyshot. Definately one of the easiest people to be around.
It's a shame dad wouldn't let us out again on friday to go raid the clothing bins.

Tonight

i hate myself, i hate everything, i wish i was normal i ruin it all for myself

Even with all the stuff about the people
It seems I am in a good space

Really happy today apart from you anger me, person who is constantly getting more and more hypocrytical with each day!
I would write more but it'd be just my luck that you'll read this and hate me lol

What's new what's the goss

It seems I have an exam tomorrow!
How unfourtunate.
Well I'm getting my pony on saturday! He's called Monty.
I think Fred's feeling left out. He is the runt of the family after all.
Hmm.. so my brother got arrested the other day for drink driving.
That's a bit worrying really.
Dad called me, and didn't mention any interest in anything, as usual. So I didn't tell him any of my exciting news!
I got merit in solo performance today in music! He said that I'm capable of excllence, but I expect that grade is only achievable when you actually practice the song lolz.
I have a keyboard now so that's yay
And it turns out I'm almost out of pills so I'm going to the doctor tomorrow which is a bit lucky.
Pretty sure I really need to start studying!

Good mornin' baby I hope I'm gonna make it through another day

BRITTANY HOPE SLEIGHT

I love you so much please be happy!
We'll hang out soon and it will be good!
You are a wonderful amazing person, don't change for anyone!
I love love love you!!



And yay Kane doesn't hate me, which is really really really good news!

today was...

So today I may have indeed ruined Lauren's life for the short term, all because I can't copy a cell phone number correctly!
I hope to god that this is the real guys' number and not another ''Nick from Wainui who are you''?!?!?
Oh dear. I do feel terrible about this.
But on the bright side, I rode the horse I might be getting again today!
And it went splendidly!
I also talked to Bronson last night..
weirdweirdweird
thisisnothappeningagain but ofcoursemaybeitis and perhapsitwouldn'tbesobad?!?!?
Deary me.
I do hope Lauren gets my txt sometime soon! It redeems me!

wow am i the rebound girl for you fuckin' males or what!

Yay!

Yesterday was dad's birthday and he's bald, so i figured i would get him a nice wee shower cap! But I couldn't find one, so i got him a 1.5 litre tub of bright pink hair styling gel! (With extra hold, of course.)
And his card was simply a piece of paper with the words
IRONY'S A BITCH LOVE ALI
Hehe we all giggled then they got all drunk and stumbled home while I walked sensibly and bought gummy snakes for them :]
Oh to be the Good Daughter

And yay Dad's girlfriends' daughter Sofie is coming up from Q-Town on Friday!
Oh and Dad and Anita are 'on a break' he tells me.
OH TO BE THE GOOD FATHER!!!
Man, it feels like things are going to finally start changing round here!

today i watched marley and me. twice
and studied because its exams in two weeks!
although i dont see how i can revise when i hardly even remember learning any of this stuff!
D:

i am actually a happy person

and on second thought i miss everything
everything
thingevery
but no.
dear person
i hate you.
but no.
im just ali
i hate everything
but no.

apart from today because today i have a friend.
im still not sure about you though.
or maybe i am but im just too insecure
either way i am working on it.
but i do think it'd be good for me to work on it faster


oh and by the way, i hate children

just

Currently I'm in the music room by myself, half doing composition because Lauren isn't here and so i have no motivation to be social.
Just now a year 9 walked in and is playing River Flows In You by Yiruma all wrong. I suppose she's learning it. Goooo awayyyy
Anyway I have music next which will be good.
I went to the Liam Finn gig last night with daddy and seonaid was there too, it was fun.
Kane you're mean
Starting to believe I really do have no friends

It was warm today yay!
Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey is my favourite movie.
Apart from all the others, of course!
I found it in my room the other day, it made me happy

do excuse me, while i explode

hi

i have a bunny hat and it costed $1.25 (although it was kindly rounded to $1.20) from spotlight. eve has one too
eve is my best friend
but lauren is my best friend
so this makes me liar but alas, they are both, so never fear.
i have exactly $6.31 in on my bank card, but $363.64 in my account, which i can't get to.
this is because its saved for when i go live in japan.
that is my only aspiration for my life!
but first i need 14 credits in maths this year so i can get to uni.
i am not taking maths next year.
no way
i will be taking japanese, english, biology, maybe music/media/classics.
i don't like texting unless you're a person who i txt.
that doesn't make sense
but dont worry, i know what im saying!
i like sleepovers mostly at laurens because generally it involves getting fucked up lol
i was thinking the other day how we used to have stayovers and watch movies with popcorn and icecream and the interweb and talking and laughing about absolutely fucking nothing!
now its all of that but all the while we seem to be drunk haha. and we dress up in funny clothes and makeup
yeah thats lauren
this is eve
eve is nomomom
once we slept on my trampoline
it was summer
we got really high and watched the sky and were convinced we saw zillions of shooting stars
eve has a room that was so messy you literally could not see the ground. she also has a piano and a bookcase and a tv
but now she has two rooms. and many many beads and dvds and cds
i like eves room
its homey
i like eves mama
shes motherly
i still like city and colour
lots
i like jpop and kpop music
lots
i read bios about musicians and drug addicts, i dont know why but they interest me.
i also like reading books about saving the world
i hate global warming
i like animals
not cats though
i think natual red hair and pale skin is beautiful
the other night i watched a documentary called the great sperm race
right now we only have 1gb of internet left till the 18th.
bye.

I do not HAVE THE ANSWER TO ALL THE PROBLEMS

i love a lot because there is little to hate except my own warped thoughts

you know when some people don't leave you alone, and some people leave you alone too much.
but then theres the people who leave you alone just the perfect amount, but who persist even after you ignore and ignore?
looking back i've been a bit stupid

sunlight wakes me just to say
lets go to sleep now

you havnt called me in weeks so dont you want me
anymore
anymore
did you ever
you dont want me
go back to your hole
but of course, go on and call me in front of your people, it will give the impression.
the impression of your lovely life, your lovely daughter.
then drink and drink your life away
and smoke and smoke until the devil bites you again.
because it will
you will be smothered in karma.
but i will be here for you when it does.
when you are left on the side of the road
in the rain.
it will rain
it will
it will rain.
i will still be here
for you

muhahahaha

wow its embarising when i forget to turn scrobbling off when im grooving to high school musical and miley! D:

sometimes if i'm singing in my room i'll start talking to myself and then when i realise what i'm doing i laugh

:]

I just got Tia's letter and it's six pages long!!! :O

yonde

www.givesmehope.com
i like this one as welll!

i can still hear your voice

everyday its just like LKNDFLSKVNLDSMCLDSMLCM;KNC with you!
but otherwise yeah. i iz feeling more okay today, (to anyone who may have read my of my despair last night before I deleted it.)
Harry Potter was amazing so there is still hope left for humanity

Yonde!

http://operationbeautiful.com/
This is such a nice site! Everyone should do that, it would be so lovely!
I've got so much new music lately!! Only in asian and lots of YUI! Which is just wonderful!

Today I yelled at Mrs Craig! D:
I felt so bad!
She was going to refer Danielle for no reason and so i got real angry and everyone went dead silent while i was battling with this teacher!
My god I felt terrible! I went up after class and said sorry, but she was like:
"don't worry Ali, you were right, I was being a bitch" !!?!?!?
...And so Ali prevails once again?!!!! (Y)

Bored blog #1

i had a long day
first i had to endure Mrs Craig for R.E but she's not so bad as she lets me listen to my iPod in class and no one else! We talked about whether the Bible is true or not. It's not true but a lot of the meaning behind the stories and things are reasonable. Although it sounds like Lauren's class got a. R.E Porn seshion involved in theirs today! (Apparently if you read page 736 in the Bible you'l understand.. iunno lol, anyone got one handy?)
Then it was English with Mrs Keen (Keen Kong *stomps up stairs*) and it was essay writing. idc

Then during play-time I had Harmonia then my singing lesson and so I got to go 40mins late to science which was good because we are *trying to be but not actually* learning Physics.
Then it was lunch and we sat round the other side of the Pizza Hut today because it was too windy, evidently. The Pizza Hut isn't actually Pizza Hut, it just like looks like it or something??? iunno. We talked about exchange programs! I want to go to Japan or America but i probably wont until I've finished school.
Then in Music we played exapmles of NZ music for our research.
Then it was Maths and evidently people find it distracting when i sing Baby Got Back repeatedly.??
Some people these days
Then i got home and its already 5.39 and I'm going to go read Vampire Knight which is a manga that Sophie said was good so i'm going to read them all.
Awesome

oh happy day

its awesome because im going to make lauren watch Harry Potter 5 first and then come see the new one with me.
in fact i think this may even call for a whole harry potter movie night, every movie available then on the same night we'll go and see the new one
coolplan

and fuck ive lost all my bracelets somewhere what is this madness?

i wont mistake you with problems with me

llama

ino no one cares about anyones holidays but here goes..

my god i got so fat over the holidays! lmao
haha
but they were fun. i had fun. i saw people and did fun stuff and new stuff and new music and new people. i slept and ate and got bored and computered and ate some more. i did things i never do like i went to gigs and then mishioned to mcdonalds at 1am!
mum's been cool lately. i like i like
i cut my hair and i made the most of the sun that was around. i stayed at brittany's! and i saw scarlett!
i got worn out and died and then i slept for ages. i did no excersise!
i got intensely grumpy after being tired and for a time hated all my friends in the whole world and wanted to be in a box with a stereo lol
i found that i really am quite fine without my dad and most likely better off, or at least until he either breaks up with his girlfriend (or vice versa) or gets his priorities straight.
i finished the book id been trying to read for so long
i laughed and cried and had a sweet time

You know I do think being friendly in this world is needed more
than money and power
the world needs nice people who are friendly

naitari shinai

madowasaretakunai.

>:B

fuckyesfuckyes

ready

stay in
place

when there's so many things to
say

"i want to go" ?

fighting
because it never ends because i dont understand anything about anyone anymore and you can't fix what you dont understand.
fighting
because no one can be bothered to talk about what's going on
so it is quiet until the
fighting.
my mum will brake,
my dad is broke,
austen is clueless,
anita's a bitch,
johnny doesn't leave his shell,
i'm a bit stuck and have no idea on how to fix any of it.
although henry is perfect and beautiful, don't you agree?
yes i do

i have nothing good left to say

i dont get it

i find it funny that so much revolves around you. honestly, everything is always something to do with you, whether its taking the piss or bitching or complimenting or crying or loving or hating.
and after all of that people will still want to take care of you and be your friend just because its you.
its nice.
but you dont even notice any of it because your obsessed with yourself as well.
you suck

Ima kawari hajimeta mune no oku.

why is everyone these days so fucking P R E T E N T I O U S.
seriously, go suck a dick
hahaha

i do not like green eggs and ham, said sam i am

I AM A PERSON.
I AM A NICE PERSON,
A HAPPY PERSON.

:]

今が大好き

I LOVE NOW

i want new clothes
i need a to do list for the holidays!

TODAY

i love having energy drink and having energy and smiling and being a smiley person and being nice to people i dont like because i should like everyone and all should be well
and i love after school and good reports and mum even when she complains that the only boys that i know are not 'big rugby-like things'

Disappointment.

I hate going to family things because I look at my cousins and stuff and feel so bad for my mum. Why couldn't she get nice, normal, happy kids? She does so much for everyone and it seems like she might be becoming depressed a bit. I feel so bad that she got stuck with the two semi self destructive and easily depressed children out of a family of like a zillion; the rest of whom are all the happiest people you'l ever meet. I wish I could be more for her.
I don't know why I'm writing this

AND ALL WAS WELL, IN THE LAND.

ah yes, i was the fool

by george you are a person

you are just so annoying

let me out
!

Things won't always be clear:but I will always be there

Today: two faced twin
I looked into you and actually smiled.
Now: it wears thin
I'll pay later for the trial

this happened

Man, you know when you see someone who is just, beautiful?
Like inside and out
I love that

A.T.T.I.T.U.D.

I think I'm going to go stay at Dad's this week sometime.
I think it's going to be okay!

Lydia Cole, 19/06/09, Harbour Light

Jol Mulholland from The Mots started the show.
He was good; drunk, but good. His voice is similar to Ben Gibbard, which was nice.
After his set i went and talked to Lydia Cole before she went on. I've been chatting to her a bit on myspace, so it was nice to meet her.
She was the smallest thing! She told me she was nervous.
Then she got on stage and didnt know what to say, so just started playing, which was nice. No need for any of this talking non stop between songs!
She was better live than in recordings, which is refreshing.
I also bought her EP and a badge that said the title of the ep: Love Will Find A Way.
Listen to it! It's so good!

Feels like

if i put me in a bowl and put the bowl in a hole
well, then no one should know where i am

ive been listening to Lydia Cole-Feels Like on repeat for over an hour
i want to go see her play in lyttelton next friday

please don't drive me blind

i try my hardest to forget every connection

You're not coming back for me, these things they will never be.
I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong

Setting Up Sunday

It's not about me, oh it's never about me.

greys anatomy greys anatomy

Must not forget! Otherwise I will shoot myself for the third week in a row!!
Meg And Dia, mainstream? PLEASE NO
Thought creature were great, for all of the half hour that they played! The other bandios were pretty sweet also. Sweet music, nice fun, nice high

ha
ha-ha!
i tricked you again

I don't need to know why the ocean's blue or how the flowers grow
I don't need to love waiting on someone to forgive me for my sins
I don't need to believe in something that won't save my sanity.
The years now past without a trace it's something that I'm learning to embrace
How most black nights are spent awake thinking about how
I don't want to live that way.

life
is
good

when it's good.

all the other times its just not

take me by the hand and tell me

.theres a war inside of me

no.

blurr

theres not enough time anymore!
everything goes so fast now

your mind's made up

if you call, call
then i'll come running
and i'll be at your door
but there's nothing to run for
no
but i'd run
it's you
so i'll run

everyone watch Once!

I just watched a movie called Once
And it was actually so amazing!
That is definately saying something, from me
Because usually I really don't bother watching movies
But this one was just wow.
And the soundtrack is so wonderful!
God I love Glen Hansard
The songs are beautiful

fml

i am so fucking sick of the bad luck that seems to follow me everywhere
i cant have any fun without something bad happening to ruin it
just FML

don't you know

you're beautiful

To Do List Extended!

8. Get drivers licence thing
9. Download more JPop and get some from Sophie
10. Get a job somewhere
11. Pass Jap test tommorow and get at least one question right in the Maths test on friday!

The way you make me feel

This is nice. I didn't have an overly wonderful day, but I'm feeling good.
Sophie gets to go to Japan for ten months - feeling very neutral towards that! I want her to stay, but I also really want her to go out and be happy and be the amazing person she is!
My hair's split
My temper's a bit short
I'm very sick of school
Still so tired
But I know I have some nice people here and
I'm feeling good!
Make it last

To Do List-

1. Write a speech on my Japan trip
2. Get me some chapstick
3. Get mum a Mother's Day present
4. Stay at dad's and have everything not breakdown
5. Borrow Johnny's cds
6. Make a coffee
7. Tell her

This is how it is. Now I know.

My whole life I've resented you for not being there and not caring about anyone but yourself.
I can hardly bring myself to have a conversation with you, let alone come stay anymore. Especially with your shit girlfriend hovering around making a deal out of everything I say.
After all the frustration I have with you, today I saw you for all of about 20 minutes, and I just felt sorry for you.
You pretty much don't have a paying job. But still, you pretend your life is perfect, with your perfect little house and such a lovely girlfriend.
Your girlfriend is fucking rude to me but you choose to overlook it because she's an "adult" and im the "child".
I would talk to you about everything, if I knew you wouldn't report back to her. But I know that the things I want to tell you are things that you wouldn't mind about, but she'd throw a fit.
You say you havn't got any money for my school lunch, or dinner, but still you can afford to drink and smoke and do whatever you please.
Only as long as it doesn't involve me, interferring with your lovely perfect life.
You lie without even doing it on purpose.
I know you say you love me, but i would be surprised if you even know what real unconditional love for someone is.
You only know love for yourself.

we got no relief

but no one knows
that shes the one who saved me

Empty In Between

Going to the four dollar shop was so fun today ;]
It would have been a negative free day if i hadn't been told what you're thinking of me these days. So I'm surprised you kept it. Maybe it's different than what it is
Great, now my iPod won't scrobble.

lmao!

im doing my speech on excuses and i googled it and here are some good ones!

Note these are spelling mistakes
1. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

2.Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

3.Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

4. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

How long can you hang onto a word?

this is gone

and i cant see it.

your head is full of words

full of words that dont mean anything.

A letter to my friends. Only read this if you actually care. please.

i know i can be a fucking pathetic friend.
i know i can be moody, and i don't deal with my emotions well.
i can go from on top of the world one second, then the next it's as if the worlds ending.
i know that i can put too much of my heart into people, when i shouldnt.
and i definately know the outcome of this.
i know i go from hyper and immature to serious and depressed all in a day.
i know i can be opinionated and defensive.
i know i take everything to heart, even if i know it was a joke
i know that this all caused by my insecurities.
i fucking know.
but please dont get sick of me and give up,
because i need the few friends i have left, and i love all of you more than anything.

Im sorry for the way i am and can be, but thank you too all those who have stuck through it all, and that will persist with me.
i see those people and it really does make all the difference.
You will be in my heart forever.

all it is

Finally I could hope for a better day.
No longer holding on to all the things that cloud my mind .
Maybe then the weight of the world wouldn't seem so heavy
But then again, I'll probably always feel this way.

At least i know I'll never sleep at night
I'll always lie awake until the morning light
This is something that I'll never control

My nerves will be the death of me, I know

waiting...

your words are like knives

tell me what lifes like

I am seriously beginning to wonder
about things
and about people.

none of it adds up.
just everything. it doesnt make sense anymore

this is shit!

it JUST got dark, in about the last ten minutes.
and it's only 6.05 pm!
man i hate winter!

Plans

lie back
take it all.
break it. throw it.
hate. love.
dont think.
jumping off the roof into the pool could be fun!

have a fucking swell time doing it,
and deal with the consequences tomorrow.

snip cut nip tuck

lol.
i noticed that sometimes if i'm feeling an intense emotion of either happy or angry or excited or whatever, that's when i cut my hair.

i was thinking about it, and i would have thought i'd do it when i'm bored, but no.

and depending on how strongly i feel on the situation, thats how much i cut into it.

when im angry i think is the best time, because i get really into it, and i try and concentrate.

hmm.
i just realised this. and thought it was nice. kind of stupid. but nice

lol

reading Scar Tissue which is the one about the guy from red hot chili peppers you know,
then ive got Memoirs Of A Geisha lined up then im not sure, any ideas?

what am i doing? reading?! wtf

this is

hahahahahahahaaaaa oh shit.

i need to find something to do

being bored is for boring people

SWEET

sorting out my new plan of attack ^^
and its gonnna be really gooood
and its going to change everything :]
all will be well!
yip :]

lol

today i got excited because a saw japan sign that i could read so i read it out loud and it said japan pan
lol
which means japan bakery
and so i thought i was cool coz i was going to translate it to kane
but then he pointed out that it was also written in english right above it
mehe

redcatpurplebatilikemynewhat

i just got home after an long, traffic filled bus journey. i bought a new/secondhand hat today for $5 from Toffs! we went to cupcake parlour with max who i met yesterday after so long of bebo-talk! im seeing kaneyshot tomorrow yayayayayayaya
lauren stayed last night and we ate all my chocolate ;]
i also made a cool necklace
and just made myself a cup of tea. its the pink one, it says 'be charged' on the box, so heres hoping lolz

yes!

We'll play Imagine-opoly because we couldn't afford the real Monopoly!
We'll buy three 4packs of fizzy because they were on special and then laugh so hard it comes out ali's nose!
We'll see Simon and get excited because he's so cool and we havn't seen him in space ages, and we'll eat his sushi!
We'll walk around in circles for long amounts of time until we think of a plan!
And we'll definately jump around for ages trying get Kane and also Dympna's attention because we're up at Bubble Cup, and they arent lol

All in all, we'll just have a good day tbh
And I'll write in weird tenses and whatnot, because I can. I can.
i can i can i can.

i been tired for days

and days and days

hate that bitch

jkz











I LOVE LAUREN WENT

do or lose

if you dont tell people you appreciate them then they will eventually just think that you dont.
then your left with fuck all
and so im going to appreciate people as much as possible from now on so i keep the friends i have left
cool plan

the night is taking sides

My dreams are nothing like they were meant to be

Could it be? this misery will suffice

laugh before you grin

today was a very good day
im always happy around you :]

lolol lmaonaise

lol the rentals are fighting over a fucking tractor!
like a screaming match im not even kidding!

:/

all the time we dont talk i feel so shit because i tell myself i miss you
but then everytime we do talk i feel even worse.
i dont know why. its crazy. i do miss you a lot, but missing you is so depressing

ily. but shit i cant write at all lol

i know how i feel and i think its the same for you
im sure it might shock people if they knew.
but its been like this for so long that maybe its too late
but just so you know, i can wait.
its fine because i love you so much as a friend
so if thats good for you its good for me too.
you make me feel important and pretty
when you are the ultimate of everything
and its funny how lots of people dislike you, but how i love you lots lots lots

sorry

hate it when people call blogspot blogger, its stupid and the name's blogspot

So this mad psycho tells everyone to get into a field and says 'im going to pick one of you, just one of you out of all of you to die." and everyones looking around thinking
'its so unlikely to be me because theres thousands of us, so statistically its completely unlikely'

and the psycho walks up and down looking at everyone and when he gets near me he hesitates and he smiles and then he points right at me and says

"youre the one"
and the shock that its me, but yet of course its me, why wouldnt it be?
i knew it all along

fuck.

on second thought i miss you more than lots of things.

Its nice to realise that a couple of weeks ago i would have left the last line of this song off, if id written it in a blog.

dancing at discos
eating cheese on toast
yeah you make me merry make me very very happy
but you obviously, you didn't want to stick around
so I learnt from you.

so aware of whats to come

exist exist survive survive
its so easy

hawk

Meredith Godreau fixes all.

It's days like these

.when you wish you could fly.
.when you wish you could be so out of it that you forgot your own name and was somebody else for the whole day.
.when you wish you could do things right, and not ruin the moment.
.when you wish you could just be happy and content with what you have, because its ten times more than what some people get in a lifetime.
.when i wish i could tell you i hate you for the things you do. even though i still love you more than anything.
.when you wish you were still a little kid with no worries.
.when you wish you weren't so freaking sensitive.
.when you wish you had motivation

its not always like this

Fuck you and all we've been through.
Leave it, it's nothing to you.
And if you hate me, then hate me so good that you can let me out of this hell when you're around.
Or when you're not around, rather.

hopehope

Maybe it wont be so bad, you know?

zomg

I touched the black haired Veronica!
AND I CHUCKED A BRACELET AT HER AND SHE PICKED IT UP IN THE MIDDLE OF HER SONG AND WORE IT!
WHEEEE!

i like thiz

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don"t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do.
It"s not just in some of us; it"s in everyone.
And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people the right to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

ohoh

you dont wanna see the sun anymore?

Maybe next time will be the right time.

Something good will come our way.

Ache

I just poured my heart out, there's bits of it on the floor.
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water and call you up for more.